Porch Bombs

It’s been a long day at work. I just want to go home and curl up with some Netflix, a slice of pizza, and oh yes, a beer. Dragging my feet on my walk to the house and something catches my eye, an obstruction if you will at the door. It’s a box, and I know what lurks within…

All of a sudden I feel a pep in my step and I’m at full skip to get to my parcel that stands like a Christmas present under a tree. In quick but delicate fashion the package is swept up and brought immediately to an area of unveiling. Sliced, ripped, tearing, then as if I was delivering a baby I gently lift the bubble wrap encompassed libation from its womb and a single tear forms in the corner of my eye. Congratulations, it’s a beer!

The process continues like Christmas, the unwrapping of your goodies that you may or may not share with your friends. Smiles and giggles are abundant as you finish the massacre of careful wrap, you line them up for the inevitable “Look what I got” social media photo. Today is a good day (cue Ice Cube). 

This excitement comes at a price. The “beer trade” is usually a tit for tat, buddy to buddy industry of distribution that gives a middle finger to the three tiered system set forth by the government. A system that is almost all but monopolized by AB-INBev by the way, and these trading groups are what make it possible for all of us to partake in the amazing beers that are brewed all across the country where before it was not possible due to the cost through distribution companies. 

It is not cheap. But the best beer in the world is being brewed on the other side of the country (in some people’s opinion)! So we find our way around the broken three tiered system and in the process make some amazing like-minded friends. I am drinking a Double Dry Hopped Mylar Bags from Other Half out of Brooklyn (one of my favorite beers I’ve ever had), and to my knowledge, they don’t ship ANYWHERE! They sell out of the brewery and that’s the extent of their part in distribution, but thanks to the blood, sweat, and beers of some amazing and considerate people, I am throat deep on some considerably amazing palate pleasers. I win. We win. 

So I’m just saying, make some friends, drink some beers, learn how to wrap your beverages properly for hops sake and do your local brewery and like minded brew buddies a solid by spreading some liquids across state lines (I am 102% sure it is illegal by the way) for all to enjoy, because you’re not just sending beers, you’re sending good times, drunk texts, memories, and hopefully friendship. Cheers.


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